I could share the details of how I lost roughly 105 pounds but I see no point in doing so because I gained nearly half of it back over time. Credit the weight gain to either aging, complacency, or lacking innovation with my eating habits and exercise. I stepped on the scale to the realization that I was one pound away from 200. I recall the disappointment of that day vividly. How could I have lost so much weight only to gain nearly half of it back? I trusted the scale was correct at the time. So, my obsession with it began. Relentlessly, I took steps towards changing my exercise and eating routine (which was extremely difficult for me) because what I was able to get away with in my 20’s, I couldn’t now in my 30’s. However, full of weight loss and gain in between, today I am 30 pounds lighter. Although proud, I applaud myself not for changing the number that appeared on the scale but for altering the way I view health.
There are three questions that people ask when they’ve notice you’ve lost a significant amount of weight:
How many pounds have you lost?
What specifically did you do to lose it?
How long did it take you?
As mentioned earlier, I recently lost 30 pounds, but the heaviest weight lost was my obsession with the number on the scale. I would go weeks of weighing myself daily, eating good (not perfect but decent), and completing pretty intense workouts only to see that pesky number fluctuate between 5 pounds. This routine triggered anxiety, frustration, low self-esteem, and self-pity. I had to ask myself, “Is this what I want for the rest of my life?” If health was to represent something positive in my life, then anything that evoked the opposite was to be avoided. So, I transitioned my focus from weight loss to physical and emotional well-being by blinding myself to the numbers. Weight loss is not a true indication of a healthy diet and lifestyle. Slowly numbers such as my BMI and what appeared on the scale didn’t matter because with each day of this altered awareness I was feeling more physically and emotionally well.
Aside from changing my focus I also switched my eating pattern. At the start of the year I ran across a YouTube video about Intermittent Fasting. Following that I did more research and found the fact that it centers on when you eat as an interest to me. I have been practicing a pattern of eating in which I allow myself a 6- hour window ever since. Of course, I may have one or two days out of the week when out were I eat outside of this window but I’m applying no pressure to health. There are two ideas that I’ve heard in the past and have since stuck with me: 1) Eat to live; don’t live to eat and 2) Perfect eating isn’t healthy eating; healthy eating isn’t perfect eating. Not only have I stopped obsessing over weight but I’ve also stopped obsessing over food. When I tell people I’m not following any particular diet it’s the precise truth. Another question asked is what do you typically eat in a day. My meals generally include vegetables, protein, and fruit. I still eat carbs and starches. I do, however, limit my dairy intake. Everyone has an opinion about diet. Ultimately, I’ve learned to listen to my body in regards to what I eat as it agrees with my goal of overall well-being.
The toughest question for me to answer is how long did it take. It took forever because I had to completely changed the way I view food and exercise. I went from minimal activity to working out sometimes twice a day with the inclusion of weightlifting, from eating no vegetables to eating ones I hadn’t heard of until the recent years, and from concerning myself with a number on the scale to concerning myself with how well I do at completing a physical activity. For me, none of this happened overnight. It took baby steps and slowly developing new likes & habits. It took even longer because I had to practice not being hard on myself. Again, I’m applying no pressure to health. Since I don’t believe in a speedy weight loss that stays, I practice patience. I remind myself, with any goal, not to place too much focus on the time it takes; just aim to get there.
The scale shows that I recently lost 30 pounds but in actuality that number is an inaccurate measure. I lost an old perspective that allowed my weight to determine obesity. One that didn’t consider my active improvements to be more important than weight loss. A number doesn’t determine size, what we eat isn’t the only determinant of health, and how long it takes to lose weight doesn’t make the method used correct. My new perspective on health grounds my satisfaction off of how I feel. It is measured by my physical and mental performance not the scale.
Always a working progress,
Alisia
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