I turned 40 last year and it was the first time an age actually scared me. Turning 30 was a shocker but it still felt young. Unlike 40, which felt like I had reached the top of a hill and each proceeding year would propel me downward. Yes, I am being dramatic, the age is still young and I still feel vivacious in every way. Nonetheless, reaching a new era in life brings an onslaught of changes and new commitments.
One change was adding mammograms to my yearly health exams. My first exam turned out to be mentally challenging. I didn’t know what to expect at the appointment, while awkward, the experience wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. My initial thought afterwards was I’d rather have a mammogram multiple times a year than have a Pap smear annually. That was until receiving a call from my doctor stating that I needed to get an ultrasound done due to the density of my breasts. The news scared the heck out of me. Of course, I did the thing you shouldn’t do, and went on google. Which only made my worries worse with google search results being high risk for breast cancer. It’s important to note that prior to, I hadn’t much conversation with women or my mom about mammograms, let alone, breast ultrasounds. So, I went in blindly and in some ways felt like the diagnosis was set. I later received comfort from some older female comrades that have had breast ultrasounds for many years and have remained cancer free. The ultrasound itself felt similar to the mammogram, awkward but painless. My unsettled nerves fully subsided after a week of silence following the ultrasound. By then I’d figured no news to be good news.
Aging is hard in a world that admires youthfulness. When you see the first sprouts of grey hair and you feel speed slowing during sprints, one can’t deny the hit of middle age. In that regard, I am committed to aging gracefully. This means more meditation, yoga, and mindfulness. In addition to focusing more skin care, fitness, and increasing my intake of whole foods (proteins, fruits, and vegetables). When all is said and done, there’s no stopping the progression of life. To remain still while sulking over what was youth and what will be middle age, is vain. I often speak of staying present in the moment because I am such a character that mulls over the future and past. So, staying present requires effort and practice. As I near towards 41, it’s fathomable that the attempt at being present in the age of 40 was unsuccessful, given the initial shock. Now resting in tranquility with age in mind, the here and now is once again top priority. After all, “why worry about aging when we can embrace the journey and rock some grey hairs?” (Originator of this quote unknown)
Sincerely,
Alisia Latoi
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